How to Pray Through the Pain |08.24.25| Worried About Everything pt.4

Have you ever had someone else ask where you got a scratch, but you didn’t even know you had a scratch until they said something?

I’ve done that before, when I’ll come inside from working in the garage or outside, and Megan will ask when I cut myself, and I’ll look down and sure enough, there’s some blood that has already begun to dry because I didn’t even notice when I cut myself.

And what’s the first thing you’re supposed to do when you have a cut? Cover it! Don’t let it get any more injured. Don’t let any dirt get in there.

But you can’t just leave it covered forever, because part of the healing process is to uncover it so that you can clean it. That way, when you re-bandage it, it will heal properly without infection.

Because if you don’t follow those steps, the wound could get infected. It might scar badly. If it’s a bigger injury, the bone might not set right, or you might be left with a limp.

And while we KNOW this about physical wounds, not all of us realize that the principle is the same with emotional and spiritual wounds. If we don’t process the pain, it can scar and never fully heal.

Because most of us, when we’ve experienced what I’ll call a “heart-wound”, we do the same thing we do when we get a physical wound: we cover it!

Because when that friend throws you under the bus, or when your family member betrays your trust, you don’t want to sit in those awful feelings, so we cover it to give ourselves some distance.

We toughen up with a brave face. We busy ourselves with some activity so we don’t have to sit still long enough to face the hurt.

When we feel the grief of a loss: the death of a loved one, the miscarriage, the friendship that has faded… we want to cover the wound.

So we numb ourselves with the binge-scrolling, or drinking a little too much to avoid the pain. Or we isolate ourselves and pull back from people to keep the wound hidden so that no one notices.

But if we don’t process the pain, we go through life with these unhealed wounds, these emotional scars or spiritual limps. We have these “infections” that seep into other parts of our life and hurt us and others.

And if we never uncover the wound in order to look at it, clean it, rebandage it…it festers and distorts our lives.

[Prayer = process pain]

That’s why we’re going to look at how prayer is where we process pain so God can heal us. This whole month, we’ve been learning about prayer as a tool that God uses to bring transformation in our lives. Because the truth is that prayer changes things…mostly you.

And so we’ve been learning about how prayer is the response that God invites us to whenever we are experiencing overwhelm, whenever we have a request, because he wants us to draw near to him.

And when we draw near to him, we receive Him as the greatest gift, his presence. And with that comes peace, and joy, and purpose. But with his presence also comes his healing power…if we’re willing to process our pain with him. If we’re willing to uncover some of our wounds with him to allow him to work in us.

[Scripture Ref]

And so we’re going to look at one of the Psalms of David as a model or sort of template for what this can look like, so open your Bibles with me to Psalm 22 (p???).

The Psalms is the prayer book of ancient Israel, and it is full of different prayers, songs, and laments from people who are drawing near to God and connecting with him as they are.

And God-followers have used the Psalms for thousands of years to help them not only give praise and honor to God, but also to process their pain, doubts, and trauma in God’s presence.

Now, David was an incredible example of someone who knew how to take things to God in prayer. When you read his Psalms, you often see a progression as he goes to God in prayer in one emotional state, and then journeys with God and grows in his presence and leaves transformed.

[Pain → Peace]

Pastor Chad Veach articulates it this way. He says that David’s psalms often follow this progression:

He starts from a place of Pain. There is some complaint or suffering that he needs to bring to God. Some sorrow that he is dealing with.

And so he begins to Process that with God, and he wrestles with the contradiction between the fact that God is good and has blessed him, and yet there is still pain in his life. And so he wrestles honestly with God about that, sometimes blaming God, sometimes bargaining with God, sometimes just naming his frustrations.

Then he actually asks God for help, something that we would most commonly call “Prayer.” He’s named the pain, he’s processed it, he’s realized that he can’t get very far on his own, and he is in fact talking to the all-powerful Creator God of the Universe, so he asks for help.

And by turning to God with his requests, he remembers all the things that are true about God. He remembers God’s character. He remembers the ways that God has cared for him in the past, and so he Proclaims those truths back to God as a way of reminding his own heart who God is.

And by presenting his requests to God, he experiences the Peace of God. And many of David’s psalms end in a place of settled calm, knowing that God can and will answer his prayer, even if it's not in the exact way he could think of.

In other words, David’s prayers — just like ours — were dynamic. He learned and grew AS he prayed.

And if there’s one way that I want to keep growing through prayer… if there’s one way that I want YOU to keep growing in your habit of prayer, it’s this: know that we don’t pray from a place of perfection. Your prayers are not supposed to be carefully crafted, well-written, emotionless, self-controlled speeches to God.

Prayer is meant to come from the heart. If it doesn’t, is it really even prayer? Because prayer is one of the tools that God uses to help us draw near to him so he can continue to work in our lives and transform us to become more and more like Jesus.

But if we always keep God at a distance, if we never open ourselves up to him…if we never are vulnerable, and raw, and a little unpredictable in our prayers…then we’re holding ourselves back from his transforming power as well.

And the emotional wound remains. The hurt never heals, and it just scars. The broken trust becomes a wall we put up.

But if we allow God to connect with us in prayer so that we can process our pain with him, we’ll find his healing power at work in our lives.

Now, this five-point progression isn’t a formula to follow. I don’t want you to treat it like a checklist to make sure you’re “praying right.” It’s just an illustration of how prayer is dynamic usually goes all over the place. So let’s look at Psalm 22 as an example. We won’t read every single word, because I’m going to skip down as we go, so follow along with me.

[Psalm 22:1-2]

David starts by expressing his PAIN and feelings of abandonment:

' My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer; and by night but find no rest. '

You might recognize the first line, because Jesus quoted it on the cross. And actually, much of this psalm is a prophetic foretelling of Jesus’ suffering on the cross, and all four gospels mention this psalm as being connected to Jesus’ role as our messiah, our savior.

Both David and Jesus expressed their pain honestly. They didn’t try to put on some spiritual mask, pretending things were okay. They cried out. They expressed their emotions in prayer in a raw and honest way.

I think some of the best prayers are raw prayers. They aren’t eloquent; they are heartfelt. They aren’t polished; they’re transparent. Real, raw prayers aren’t theological masterpieces…but they still help us connect with the heart of God.

Prayers like:

Dear God, like, really?

Dear God, are you serious?

Dear God, where in the world are you?

Dear God, I’m done. I’m at the end of my rope.

God isn’t thrown off by that level of honesty. He doesn’t get his feelings hurt when we are raw with him. God already knows our hearts, so why not just be transparent with him?

It’s not disrespectful to pray to God like that. It’s honest. It’s removing the barriers so that we are truly entering his presence, rather than keeping ourselves back.

[Psalm 22:3-5]

David doesn’t stay in that dark place, though. He PROCESSES his feelings by turning to God. He starts by saying this:

' Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. In you our ancestors trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried and were saved; in you they trusted and were not put to shame. '

What is David doing here? He’s remembering all the ways that God has shown up and worked in the past. He’s reminding himself that God has always been faithful, and he won’t stop now.

One of the ways we make sure not to get lost in our pain is to lift our heads up out of our current circumstances and remember the bigger picture. Pain has a way of shouting so loudly that we think it’s encompassing our entire life. But the one way to know truly how big it is is for us to spend some time reflecting on who God is, what he has done for us, how great he is, where we fit into his plan.

However, it’s a journey, because after that moment of light for David, it seems like the clouds of doubt close in on him again, and he laments about how powerless he feels. But a few verses later, there’s another change. David affirms how God has been with him the entire time of his journey through life:

' Yet it was you who took me from the womb; you kept me safe on my mother’s breast. On you I was cast from my birth, and since my mother bore me you have been my God. '

Sure, there have been times where David wasn’t as confident in his trust of God, but over his lifetime, he has walked by faith. God is his God, and David trusts him.

Does it feel a little bit like David is giving us some emotional whiplash? Well, that’s because we’re getting a raw, real-time roller coaster of David’s emotional, mental, and spiritual journey.

Sounds pretty familiar to how we process things, doesn’t it? And it shows us that prayer doesn’t “FIX” our emotions or thoughts immediately. That’s not what prayer is supposed to do, because our thoughts and emotions aren’t necessarily broken. They are part of who we are, and journeying through them is part of the design.

And even when our prayers get darker before they get lighter, we can remember that God isn’t afraid of our strong emotions. He created us, he created all the emotions we are capable of, and he just wants to draw near to us through prayer.

[Psalm 22:11]

After David affirms his trust in God, he begins to offer up a heartfelt PRAYER for help:

'Do not be far from me, for trouble is near, and there is no one to help. '

David spends a solid 11 verses building up to his actual request for deliverance. This request is the heart of his prayer in many ways, but it took him a while to get there. He had to let God uncover his feelings and work through the convoluted emotions that were screaming for attention first.

[Psalm 22:22-24]

And by the time he’s done presenting his request to God, David seems like an entirely new man. Just listen to this triumphant language:

' I will tell of your name to my brothers and sisters; in the midst of the congregation I will praise you: You who fear the Lord , praise him! All you offspring of Jacob, glorify him; stand in awe of him, all you offspring of Israel! For he did not despise or abhor the affliction of the afflicted; he did not hide his face from me but heard when I cried to him. '

He started from a place of asking where God was. Now, he’s announcing to the world how great God is and declaring that God has NOT ignored or abandoned him.

[Psalm 22:31]

David spends several more verses talking about God’s power, faithfulness, and love. And by the end of the psalm, he is in a completely different headspace. His heart is completely different than when he began. He is confident and has PEACE.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that anything about the outside world or his circumstances have changed yet. But everything has changed about his internal world. And God’s work IN David’s heart is what mattered most.

[Pain → Peace]

He spent the time to uncover his wound and pain, process it with God through prayer, cleaning out the wound. And then proclaiming God’s healing work allows the pain to be rebandaged and continue the process of healing, leaving him with peace that comes from the Prince of Peace.

And just like with physical wounds, the cycle of processing our pain with God in prayer isn’t a one-time cycle, but has to be continued as we experience another wave of pain and crying out.

But as the cycle continues, we find more and more stability and peace as God brings healing to our hearts and lifts us out of the dark pit.

[Prayer = process pain]

Because the truth is that God doesn’t want us limping through life. Prayer is where we process pain so God can heal us. Prayer is where we let God open up our hearts so he can restore us.

And this matters because God loves you too much to leave you unhealed.

And I don’t know what part of culture taught us all that we “shouldn’t” vent or burden other people with our raw emotions. Somewhere, we were taught that we need to “grow up” or “toughen up” or “get a thicker skin” or something.

Crying and expressing pain is something little kids do, so it’s something we SHOULDN’T do. We don’t want to be seen as whiners or complainers or weak. And then we bring that thought to our prayer time, and we treat praying to God like it has to be formal, or polished, or something almost business-like.

[blank]

But God cares more about connecting with the REAL us, the RAW us. He doesn’t need the polished version of us. He wants YOU, pain and all, so that he can continue his work of healing.

Because he’s a good father. He’s a healer. He’s loving and patient, and he doesn’t want us walking around with unprocessed pain, unhealed wounds, emotional or physical limps.

He doesn’t want us hurting from the infections that seep into other parts of our lives, the trauma responses that hurt ourselves and others.

He truly WANTS us to draw near to him in prayer so that we can process our pain and so that we can experience the healing that he wants to give us. The healing that allows us to return to a full and better life. The healing that will allow us to join Jesus in his work of reaching others and blessing our community.

And if we regularly practice this, processing our pain with God through prayer, we’re going to experience peace and joy and see God work through us to help others!

Because unprocessed pain leads to limping and lashing out, but allowing God to heal us and work through our pain in prayer leads to healing and growth and ministry to others!

How many people do we know that won’t stop talking about the incredible benefits they’ve experienced because of working with some trainer, or chiropractor, or because they’ve started eating better food?

They won’t shut up about the relief from pain, or the increased energy, right?! When you experience some healing and joy, you want to share that with everyone you know, right? Because you want THEM to experience those same benefits, too.

The same thing happens when someone practices raw honesty and vulnerability and truth in their prayer life, and allows God to process their pain with them, and partners with the healing work that God wants to do in their life.

And when we allow God to actually heal what’s going on in our lives over time, we not only get to share that testimony of healing with others, but we also get to become a more healed, more healthy version of ourselves who can help others, serve others, and join in Jesus’ work.

[Practice Journaling]

So if David could process pain with God in raw, honest prayer…how can we practice that same kind of prayer today? One tool that has helped me is interactive prayer journaling.

Now, I can’t give you a full twenty-minute seminar on how to do this, but for anyone who is interested, I’d love to give more context later on. But for now, I want to give you the intro so that you can try this this week.

[Step 1] 1. Write your gratitude, request, or raw pain to God

To practice interactive prayer journaling, the first step is just to write down something as you pray. I like to start with three things I’m grateful for, because the next step seems easier to me when I start with gratitude.

So I’ll write, “Dear God, thank you for the beautiful sunset last night.” Or “thank you for the fact that I was able to finish my whole cup of coffee without needing to reheat it.”

[Step 2]

Step two is to then write God’s response to you. I like to write it like a letter, and God is a loving father who dotes on his kids, so I write something like, “My beloved Drew.”

And that’s what I’d like you to try. Write, “My dearest…your name,” or “my favorite son/daughter…your name.”

Then go bullet point by bullet point of what you thanked him for, or what you wrote out to him, and just write down what a loving father would say in response.

Now, for some of us, our earthly fathers didn’t give us the best example to follow, and that can cloud the way we see God as a loving father. And so maybe it’s best to write out how your loving Savior Jesus would respond to you.

“My dearest Drew, I’m glad you slowed down enough to watch the sunset. I wanted you to slow down and just breathe. You’re welcome for the hot coffee. Small joys are ways that I show you love, and I’m glad that you’re connecting with me over it.”

An important note in this process: don’t overthink God’s response to you. You’re not writing down a new book of the Bible, and you don’t need to worry about whether or not it’s actually the perfect words that God is saying to you.

You’re just writing from the gut what a loving response to you would be. It’s just a simple practice to help connect us with God’s heart.

[Step 3]

Then, after you’ve done, an important step, probably the most important step is to read it aloud to someone you trust who loves Jesus. Because reading it aloud will just help it settle in your heart. And then your spouse or close friend can help reflect back to you the parts of what you wrote that reflect God’s loving heart to you.

Sometimes Megan will tell me, “wow, that part definitely sounds like a loving father.” And sometimes she’ll say, “That one part, where you’re kind of being hard on yourself, maybe that’s something you need to process with God more.”

[All Steps]

Prayer is where we can process pain with God so he can heal us. And journaling in this way helps us slow down a bit and experience God’s love and peace in the moment. Over time, it draws us into a deeper connection with him.

There was a season in my life when I first learned about interactive prayer journaling that it became a habit for me. It became a, not daily, but once or twice a week habit for me.

And it was during that season that I was experiencing a new closeness to God. I was experiencing more intimacy with God. I was experiencing more joy in my walk with God, as well as it was helping me articulate with Megan, with my other friends, some of the thoughts that I had been unable to articulate.

And so it was a helpful piece of the journey of processing my own heart and soul and thoughts. And so when I had it as a habit, it definitely brought me closer to Jesus and made me more aware of how quickly accessible He is, how anytime I turned to Him, He is there waiting for me.

And so it allowed me to understand in a different way how accessible and how much God desires to be with me, because every time I turned to Him, He was immediately there ready to respond to me.

[Prayer doesn’t erase pain]

So let’s practice that this week. Let’s allow God to uncover some of our pain through prayer.

Prayer doesn’t erase pain. But prayer can transform pain because of God’s presence.

Jesus himself modeled for us prayer that was raw. He prayed through pain. He knows the cry of a heart that feels overwhelmed.

But he also shows us that when we turn to God in prayer, our story doesn’t end in despair. We don’t stay in the darkness.

When we turn to God in prayer, we step into his light and his presence, and he continues his healing work in us.

And because of the finished work of Jesus on the cross, because he carried our sin and shame, we know we can be healed and restored. Isn’t that good news?